Wherever You Go, There You Are Part II

Apparently, the first rule of meditation, is don't talk about meditation. (Note: This is a Fight Club reference. Points for you, if you got that.) Seriously, the book really has a section that tells you not to talk about your meditation practice!

"If you decide to start meditating, there's no need to tell other people about it, or talk about why you're doing it or what it's doing for you. In fact, there's no better way to waste your nascent energy and enthusiasm for practice and thwart your efforts so they will be unable to gain momentum. Best to meditate without advertising it."

I side-eyed this so hard, my eyeballs almost turned completely around in my head. The author didn't stop there, though!

"Every time you get a strong impulse to talk about meditation and how wonderful it is, or how hard it is, or what it's doing for you these days, or what it's not, or you want to convince someone else how wonderful it would be for them, just look at it as more thinking and go meditate some more. The impulse will pass and everybody will be better off --especially you."

Um, you're not the boss of me, Jon Kabat-Zinn. I'm grown. I do what I want.

So, first things first, I did not enjoy mindfulness. At work, it was pretty easy to maintain, especially after reading the bit about using your breath to help keep you in the here and now. I did feel more calm, but people kept asking me if I was okay, which makes me question how people usually perceive me. More than once, someone commented that my energy seemed off, not bad, just different. I couldn't figure out how anyone picked up on it until a friend came to talk to me and the mindfulness slipped away. I saw my natural self in stark contrast to my mindful self. There is a distinct difference.

One thing I picked up on myself, is that the feeling is similar to how I manage pain. Whenever I'm enduring any physical or emotional pain, I acknowledge it, I feel it, and then I let it pass through me. All day long, I felt my emotions passing through me. I could recognize them, experience them, and then let them go. It sounds liberating on paper, but it isn't a comfortable feeling. I assume that's because it's a feeling I associate with pain. I expect it will go away as I do this more often.

Another thing I noticed, my senses felt heightened. Noises seemed louder. Lights seemed brighter. I could even feel the air on my skin! I definitely have to save any deep meditation for when I'm in the quiet, and more climate-friendly, comfort of my own home.

Oddly, I found it easier to remain mindful at work, than to meditate at home. I think it's a boredom issue. My mind can't handle too much stillness, it will take some getting used to. In the car, it was the worst. I don't know if it's because I did it all day, or if I'm just so used to "zoning out" while I drive that I couldn't keep it together. I fought it, the whole way home, but I never quite succeeded in restoring the mindful state I experienced at work.

Though I didn't enjoy mindful meditation today, I do thin it will be a positive and worth-while practice long term. I'll keep you posted.

Wherever You Go, There You Are

My father loved this saying! It's one of those parent-isms that stayed with me. In preparation for this post, I sought out a how-to on meditation. This book, by Jon Kabat-Zinn, jumped out at me from the shelf at Barnes and Noble because of my connection with the title phrase, Wherever You Go, There You Are.

"Like it or not, this moment is all we really have to work with."

Often, I wonder how different my life would be if I could change the past. I wouldn't even recognize myself if I had this superpower. Daily, I imagine a future for which I've made no real effort. I practice my Oprah interview in the bathroom mirror, envisioning my world tour once I'm finally published. It's a rare moment, though, when I focus on the present, the one thing I have any real control over.

Being a writer, it's not in my nature to be present in the moment. There are characters running around in my head, living their lives, demanding my attention. My imagination is fully engaged, at all times. So, the decision to practice Mindful Mondays is not one I take lightly. Logically, though, I understand the importance of  maintaining your mental health. It can't be ignored.

One of the perks of single life is that I never have to consider how my decisions will affect others. As a result, I don't put much thought into those day-to-day decisions we all make, though they may have a tremendous affect on me.

By the end of this book, I hope to have mastered the art of mindfulness. For now, I'll settle just being aware of my mindlessness. I've used mantras in the past to guide me through difficult times. For this Mindful Monday, I've chosen to use the mantra, be mindful.

It's Monday and my day job is requiring I work two hours of mandatory overtime, so I imagine I will use this phrase quite a bit today. What are some mantras you use to get through difficult times?

What If I Never Get Married And Have Kids?

I've asked myself this question before, but this time is different. This time, it isn't a rhetorical question. In my twenties, I imagined a life with the white picket fence, two point five kids, and a clumsy Great Dane named after a superhero. Life didn't go as planned. At thirty-five, I found myself driving down a winding back road, crying over my last break-up, even though it was a few years ago, and trying to imagine ever being in another relationship. I almost crashed the car when the thought occurred to me. What if I never get married and have kids? For real, though.

There are women like me out there, women who are making their way through the world on their own terms. My dearest wish, though, it that this blog finds its way to those women who haven't yet figured out the answer to this question. If that's you, don't worry. While I admit it's easier said than done, the answer is less complicated than you may think. 

"Be happy anyway."

It came to me, just like that. Be happy anyway. Well, if you're anything like me, you might not have the slightest idea how to be happy when things don't turn out the way you expected. I'm having the time of my life figuring it out, though. And you can too!