Apparently, the first rule of meditation, is don't talk about meditation. (Note: This is a Fight Club reference. Points for you, if you got that.) Seriously, the book really has a section that tells you not to talk about your meditation practice!
"If you decide to start meditating, there's no need to tell other people about it, or talk about why you're doing it or what it's doing for you. In fact, there's no better way to waste your nascent energy and enthusiasm for practice and thwart your efforts so they will be unable to gain momentum. Best to meditate without advertising it."
I side-eyed this so hard, my eyeballs almost turned completely around in my head. The author didn't stop there, though!
"Every time you get a strong impulse to talk about meditation and how wonderful it is, or how hard it is, or what it's doing for you these days, or what it's not, or you want to convince someone else how wonderful it would be for them, just look at it as more thinking and go meditate some more. The impulse will pass and everybody will be better off --especially you."
Um, you're not the boss of me, Jon Kabat-Zinn. I'm grown. I do what I want.
So, first things first, I did not enjoy mindfulness. At work, it was pretty easy to maintain, especially after reading the bit about using your breath to help keep you in the here and now. I did feel more calm, but people kept asking me if I was okay, which makes me question how people usually perceive me. More than once, someone commented that my energy seemed off, not bad, just different. I couldn't figure out how anyone picked up on it until a friend came to talk to me and the mindfulness slipped away. I saw my natural self in stark contrast to my mindful self. There is a distinct difference.
One thing I picked up on myself, is that the feeling is similar to how I manage pain. Whenever I'm enduring any physical or emotional pain, I acknowledge it, I feel it, and then I let it pass through me. All day long, I felt my emotions passing through me. I could recognize them, experience them, and then let them go. It sounds liberating on paper, but it isn't a comfortable feeling. I assume that's because it's a feeling I associate with pain. I expect it will go away as I do this more often.
Another thing I noticed, my senses felt heightened. Noises seemed louder. Lights seemed brighter. I could even feel the air on my skin! I definitely have to save any deep meditation for when I'm in the quiet, and more climate-friendly, comfort of my own home.
Oddly, I found it easier to remain mindful at work, than to meditate at home. I think it's a boredom issue. My mind can't handle too much stillness, it will take some getting used to. In the car, it was the worst. I don't know if it's because I did it all day, or if I'm just so used to "zoning out" while I drive that I couldn't keep it together. I fought it, the whole way home, but I never quite succeeded in restoring the mindful state I experienced at work.
Though I didn't enjoy mindful meditation today, I do thin it will be a positive and worth-while practice long term. I'll keep you posted.
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